Two weeks together, that's all it took, two weeks for me to fall for you

I just finished watching Dear John. It wasn't bad. It made me think of Ryan.. from now on no more sad movies that make me think of the "what ifs" I have no time for such nonsense. Ok I am going to bed it's late..

damn

I can sum up the past 5 1/2 years of my life in 2 words learning experience. It's done ..for real.. finally over.. I am taking it for what it was and moving on with my life. Sometimes it feels like a waste of time but I wouldn't change anything. I did everything I could to try and keep it together but at the end of the day I learned that you can't make anyone love you and you can't change people. I saw the signs but I believed his words. I now know the real meaning of actions speak louder than words. Everything he was doing was telling me that he wasn't into me but he kept me around with his words. I haven't spoken to him in exactly 2 weeks that is the longest that I have ever gone without talking to him.. Sure I wanted to text him and call him and possibly even stalk him but I didn't I know as much as it sucks that this is how things have to be. I deleted him from facebook removed his phone number from my contacts deleted every email he has ever sent me and finally I put everything and I mean everything that he has ever given me in a big box and I put it away.. forever this time. I will admit it I am sad. But not as sad as I was when I was with him. Isn't that weird? I thought I would be a mess and at times i was it's difficult to go from talking to someone every morning to nothing, but I am ok.. I am more than ok. I have accepted the fact that he for whatever reason does NOT want to be with me. And that's ok. I am finally getting my life back. I am not sitting at home waiting for a phone call or trying to figure what he's thinking or trying to make plans with someone who DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT. I realize that he will one day figure out what it is that he wants but only when he meets someone else it was never going to happen with me. I really hope he does meet someone and I hope that he happy. And maybe one day when everything has healed we can be friends. I don't know seems like a weird thing to say now but anything is possible.

Summer Summer Time

Change has been constant since my last post.  My emotions are all over the place.  I feel like there is no end in sight.  So many highs and lows.  I wish I was a  happier person.  I wish that things could be easier.  I feel like my life hasn't started yet.  I'm waiting for my kick off , and I think I know what it is but I don't see it happening anytime soon.  I always get like this around my birthday, and thats in a month.   I feel like since I'm getting older that things should be moving forward.  and I HATE absolutely HATE that my happiness and my feelings of self worth depend on this one thing.. I won't get into details of it here.  Not the time or place.  

<3

Iran

So I’ve finally found a cause that makes me realize how blessed I am to live where I live. And one that makes me throw off my mask of cynicism and self interest and find something I can actually look at and think, I need to make a difference.
Here we have a real world crisis- one that, even though it is not in our own circle of friends and normal interactions, we must, we absolutely have to pay attention to this tragic time. In Iran, people are protesting, peacefully (mostly, I will not deny the few reports I have heard of violence), and in the style of one of the United States’ most revered men, Dr. Martin Luther King, who preached nonviolence and . For them, and us, this is a time of the civil rights again- a time for every person to stand and demand that their fellow human beings votes, and rights, and simple human dignities be upheld. This election fraud in Iran should not, cannot, and will not be allowed to stand.
It is the duty of an American citizen to stand with their Iranian brethren, and not let this horrible injustice, this tyrannical usurpation of power, which is one and the same as what we fought against in our own Revolutionary War, continue. It is best stated in that masterpiece, the Declaration of Independance “But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”
I am not advocating such a drastic change in Iran, though maybe I should be. All in all, this cause, where none other has moved me, has inspired me to write this....

We cannot continue to bury our heads in the sand.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. I cannot, and will not, contradict that.

Iran

ds

SInce my last

I feel better...I'm learning to let go of the things I can't control and be happy with right now..I'm taking life one day at a time.  I have my moments but overall I feel 10x better since my last post.  I still feel like something is missing from my life but I'm trying to not worry about that too much and hopefully in time it will all come together. 

Loca

I do this thing where I reflect about how things are now and then I think about last year and if things were the same or different.  If Ive gotten better or worse. I dont know why I do it but for some reason  the past seems so much better than the present.  And I end up beating myself up about how my life is going. sad and pathetic