Summer Summer Time

Change has been constant since my last post.  My emotions are all over the place.  I feel like there is no end in sight.  So many highs and lows.  I wish I was a  happier person.  I wish that things could be easier.  I feel like my life hasn't started yet.  I'm waiting for my kick off , and I think I know what it is but I don't see it happening anytime soon.  I always get like this around my birthday, and thats in a month.   I feel like since I'm getting older that things should be moving forward.  and I HATE absolutely HATE that my happiness and my feelings of self worth depend on this one thing.. I won't get into details of it here.  Not the time or place.  

<3

Iran

So I’ve finally found a cause that makes me realize how blessed I am to live where I live. And one that makes me throw off my mask of cynicism and self interest and find something I can actually look at and think, I need to make a difference.
Here we have a real world crisis- one that, even though it is not in our own circle of friends and normal interactions, we must, we absolutely have to pay attention to this tragic time. In Iran, people are protesting, peacefully (mostly, I will not deny the few reports I have heard of violence), and in the style of one of the United States’ most revered men, Dr. Martin Luther King, who preached nonviolence and . For them, and us, this is a time of the civil rights again- a time for every person to stand and demand that their fellow human beings votes, and rights, and simple human dignities be upheld. This election fraud in Iran should not, cannot, and will not be allowed to stand.
It is the duty of an American citizen to stand with their Iranian brethren, and not let this horrible injustice, this tyrannical usurpation of power, which is one and the same as what we fought against in our own Revolutionary War, continue. It is best stated in that masterpiece, the Declaration of Independance “But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”
I am not advocating such a drastic change in Iran, though maybe I should be. All in all, this cause, where none other has moved me, has inspired me to write this....

We cannot continue to bury our heads in the sand.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. I cannot, and will not, contradict that.

Iran

ds

SInce my last

I feel better...I'm learning to let go of the things I can't control and be happy with right now..I'm taking life one day at a time.  I have my moments but overall I feel 10x better since my last post.  I still feel like something is missing from my life but I'm trying to not worry about that too much and hopefully in time it will all come together. 

Loca

I do this thing where I reflect about how things are now and then I think about last year and if things were the same or different.  If Ive gotten better or worse. I dont know why I do it but for some reason  the past seems so much better than the present.  And I end up beating myself up about how my life is going. sad and pathetic

Today

Today I reached an all time low...let's just say ... lets just say nothing because I cant even talk about without being ashamed of myself... I will say this though ...I'm starting over..

Love

I thought we were a real love relationship. I did. I was very invested in love, but it was just this long long sex thing that could end at any moment because after all, it's just about getting off. Almost all the time, you tell yourself you're loving somebody when you're just using them. This only looks like love.

I'm an asshole

“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

Guess what? I'm very insecure. 

I'm really working on it.

the end..and the beginning.. love it

"if you knew me at all you wouldn't think that anything was going on"

I guess I don't know you.. ah feels so good to finally let go and start something new. <3

I wish you the best. 

my life philosophy

Wear sunscreen. 

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind, you won't understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine!

Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how).

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions (even if you don't follow them).

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal--wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

I'm sorry I'm obsessed.....

I don't have anything good to say here.

Bye

my life

I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.

I want to be a vegan

So today I learned a new thing from my vegan friend Lb...Apparently farts smell because it is meat rotting in the colon so people that are vegans dont have smelly farts because they don't eat meat...Interesting..I will have to investigate this and get back to you.

It's been raining for what feels like weeks :(  This weather makes me feel all depressed and shit, I just want to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing..  Blahhhhhhhh..... I can't wait for the warm weather to come and stay!   

Ok kids ..

Bye!

I need to find me an edward

I just watched twilight..That movie was so good!

I love Edward and Bella.

changes

so I'm going to boston.. 

good morning.

Today is going to be a good day.

I hope you have a Happy Birthday, and I hope you find someone that will make you happy .... I really mean that. 

I hate the way things turned out.

ok I'm done.

I really need to keep telling myself the following things..

From He's Just Not That Into You.

Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks.  I get it, I get it, I get it.  But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse

and..

Cut your losses and don't waste your time .  Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it?  Fine.  Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby.  He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is.  If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!"  But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

Me and Jolene

fuck me in the beard.

do you think you're wasting your time with the person you love?
tricky..If he made up his mind already I wouldn't be having doubts



What do you get complimented on the most?

eyes


Name two people you tell everything to?

anthony



Do you have a reason to smile right now?

i dont know



Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

yes I could




How are you feeling?

tired from being at the beach all day





How do you usually feel after crying?

I usually feel a lot better.




Does anything hurt on your body right now?

My shoulders always hurt..but my cheeks hurt from sunburn





Do you want someone to call you right now?

yesssss.. you know who you are :)



Do you miss someone?

all the time



Is something wrong right now?

yes



Can you play an instrument?

i can play the violin and the recorder hot cross buns nigga



Are you mad at someone?

I'm mad at Jolene




Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?

nope i have work nice and early



Can you honestly say you listen to all kinds of music?

yes I do



Would you prefer a thunderstorm or for it to be snowing?

thunderstorms enough with the snow



Have you ever fought over the opposite sex?

yeh hah not worth it!!!



Are you good at math?

nope! i'm like a down syndrome person when it comes to that subject



Do you usually listen to your parents?
i use to but not no more



Do you have any siblings? Do you get along?

yes and no and yes



Do you act more silly or serious?

depends on my mood



Are you good at keeping secrets?

im a lock box



Do you have any gay/bi/lesbian friends?

sure do!!! I love them



What are you doing tomorrow?

working until 5 then going out with dawn and lauren


Do you have any shirts with funny sayings on them?

not anymore i think i got rid of them all



Are your bedroom walls a different color than white?

no


What day of the week is it?

sunday


What have you done today?

saw ryan this morning went to the beach with my buds and thats it



Have you ever ridden first class on an airplane?

nooooope



What's your name without the letters a, b, c, x, y, or z?

krstl 


How often do you wear a belt?

neverrrr i use to all the time though i dno what happened



Have you ever had seagulls attack you at the beach?

yea for a bag of chips..they won



Are you excited for anything?

for saturday <3


Is there someone on your mind that really shouldn't be there?

nope i dont play those games




Do you always find it cute when boys call you babe/baby?

babeoooooooo



Has a boy ever asked your best friend about you?

in high school and then chris tried to ask jolene about me. bahah  




Do you like your life right now?

i wish things would fall into place already




Do you have friends you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell?

just one



Are you in a good mood right now?

yes i am




Do you take compliments well?

no i get embarassed


What was the last thing you cried about?

ryan probably



Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?

nah i need a shower



What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?

water



Have you ever gotten the butterflies?

yea i get them all the time



If you could change anything about your past would you?

yea I would change a couple things




What are you doing this summer?

having the time of my life.. lol i dno probably what i do every other summer... a whole lot of nothing


In the last month have you wanted to punch someone's face in?

i want to punch someone in the face everyday

Summer is approaching.....

I haven't updated this!

The weather has been absolutely beautiful, I went to the beach today and I am very tan..

My day off..

I have a cold.. I haven't been sick in a while I guess I had it coming. 

This makes my heart hurt..

i really like this

Good Morning

I had the weirdest dreams last night..... They felt so real..

i love montauk

My First..

I'm tired i babysat for 11 hours, and tomorrow I will be doing the same.. booo